… and it’s not what you think it is.
If I were to walk up to random women and ask what they need to book a boudoir shoot, these are some answers I would commonly hear:
A husband. A boyfriend. Maybe both. Hire a personal trainer. Lose 20 pounds. Cover their greys. Start a skincare regimen. Get a tummy tuck, a boob job, a time machine. Maybe just the essence of youth in a golden cup and listing their best kidney for sale on the black market.
Despite the varying degrees of silliness in those things, those are much easier to overcome than that one, big, looming thought you’ve probably said to yourself looking at the images of our clients…
“I wish I had the confidence…”
Nope. That’s not usually how it works. For some of our clients? Hell yeah. They STRUT into the studio because they have advanced so far in their self love journey that they know in their souls they are ready for this.
For most of our clients? They are taking a massive step out of their comfort zone.
What is confidence?
How do we get it? Are some people born with more confidence than others? Let’s get a base understanding of it.
In classic child psychology, personality traits like being confident and having the ability to self assure and manage risk is the outcome of our social conditioning. Our parents, or primary caregivers, instill confidence in us and shape how we perceive our worth by the positive reinforcement we’re given, or not given, when we achieve developmental milestones.
Confidence is both conditional and product of our environment. As adults we have the ability to change our environments suited to our needs. Hate your boss? You can get a new job, transfer to a different department, or start your dream business. Feeling crammed in your tiny apartment and overwhelmed with the amount of things you have cluttering the floor? You can get a bigger apartment, buy a house, or do that Marie Kondo thing where you throw everything you own into a pile on the floor in search of the shit that sparks joy. Have a friend who one-ups you and makes you feel like crap about yourself? You can get new friends. You get the picture. We can say “F you” to our comfort zone and change the things we don’t like about our lives in the pursuit of something better.
What is the common denominator among those things? Because it might not be applicable to say that you left your job with your crappy boss because you were confident. Maybe more accurate to say you were leaving a familiar, and otherwise comfortable, environment and embracing change in the hope that you would be happier by finding a more supportive work environment.
But confidence didn’t get you through that. Bravery did.
And if you took that kind of bet on yourself and it paid out with a big win (inspiring boss, beautiful new house, badass girl tribe who love brunch and supporting each other, etc), confidence is the outcome of knowing that you are in control of your own happiness, that you are worthy of advocating for yourself and what you want in life, and that nothing is important enough to devalue your self worth… and if something is actually good for you, you would never have to.
Related content: What’s is the Best Way to Start Getting Happier? Published in UC Berkley’s Greater Good Magazine, 2017
So, as with all things in life, be brave. Take a step forward. You don’t need confidence to get to the next level in your life. You will EARN confidence when you decide to be brave, take a risk, and do what you thought was impossible.
I work with women from all walks of life at my boudoir studio. High powered administrators, teachers, medical professionals, stay at home moms, MLM consultants, etc. None of us are immune to lacking confidence in one area of our life or another. And those changing environmental factors (weight gain/loss, career change, wedding, divorce, aging, childbirth, etc) can fill up our confidence tank in one area, and inadvertently cause another area to suffer.
If your area is your self worth, your physical beauty, or just an over all need-a-pick-me-up because life is stressful as it is (even when we aren’t living through a pandemic), you are probably ready for your boudoir experience. You just need to be brave. Almost all of the women on our website were standing in your shoes: balancing overwhelming self doubt with a need to experience themselves in a new way and see themselves through someone else’s eyes.
Loving yourself is important. Boudoir is the epitome of this lesson.
This is a reality that I am incredibly sensitive to. Intimate portraits are so much more than pretty pictures for me. It’s a celebration of womanhood and the feminine spirit. It’s a healing experience for the most broken parts of you. It’s an act of forgiveness toward the woman inside that you’ve held to such impossibly high standards for so long.
It’s an opportunity to honor the girl who grew into the woman you are right now in this very moment. All the scars. The stretch marks. The pounds. Because all of those things also gave you the most incredible parts of your life.
So when you are ready to be brave, I’ve got an experience for you that is more than surface level pretty pictures. Although, not to brag, but these boudoir photos are gonna be straight fire too. No matter what stage in the self love journey you’re in, I’m ready to meet you where you’re at and hold space for you to be the beautifully complicated woman you are.
Feeling like you want a little more? Check out the link below to see what goes into planning for a boudoir session!